Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
