thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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