Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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