I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize