If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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