So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I want to fling myself into the sun
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize