That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
