we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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