Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
