I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
