just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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