I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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