i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Your cock deserves a montage
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize