when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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