I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
