My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
