Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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