Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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