My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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