absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i think i have herpe
just one?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
