where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
