...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
