I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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