I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
