he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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