I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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