Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
