she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My vagina is very pro this idea
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I think I just sharted jello shots
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