just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
