If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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