Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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