After last night, I could never be a politician.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
