sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
