Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
