She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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