WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
