Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize