I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
