I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
