great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
