And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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