i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
