Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
