I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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