420 ftw
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Are we still banned from the library?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize