All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
