You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
