I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
