george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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