he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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