Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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