Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Randomize
