Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
