he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize