'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
