Will you blow on my dice?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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