Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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