Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
