dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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