when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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