im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
