i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
