SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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