i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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