So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Randomize
