im holly from the hills drunk
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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