I'm drive I can fine osifer
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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