I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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