My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
