HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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