Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize