You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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