what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
