A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
