By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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