Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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