my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
