Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
