Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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