i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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