when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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