Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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