I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize