Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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