I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
