The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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