u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
