he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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