you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
