I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
