So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I want her autograph on my taint
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
