they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
