in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
