i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
