We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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