Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize