The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
