Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
