I must be too annoying 4 u.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
