who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
