I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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