the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
