That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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