I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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