she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
