quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
