I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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