I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
