Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
