So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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