$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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