two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
NoShamevember. You game?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
