I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
last night I used snow as a chaser
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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