I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
