i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
