Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
