I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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