Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
